if you like me you must not know who I am
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
