May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
