We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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