The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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