so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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