I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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