I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
