chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
