I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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