No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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