she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
