My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
