Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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