Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
