a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
