Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
