If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
