ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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