Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
