there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
