I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
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You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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