P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
