if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
jump out the window naked night went bad
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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