new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
