I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
