I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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