I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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