You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
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I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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