Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
