She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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