Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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