I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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