Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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