On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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