I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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