forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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