Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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