I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
