Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
