Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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