I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
