I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
