dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
