i think i have herpe
just one?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
