i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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