i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
