'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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