i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
