Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
