Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Every concussion has its silver lining
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
