Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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