is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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