all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize