I am puke
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
