if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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