I hate your face
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
