also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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