just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
