What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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