Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
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We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
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See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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